A Message To The Ottawa And Global Community – A Journey of Awakening – Part 1
Just this past week I spoke on the same stage as Caroline Myss at her event here in Ottawa, Canada.
My intention with this talk was to simply assist individuals in getting very honest with this whole “spiritual journey” thing.
What are we really doing on this journey of healing, transformation and awakening?
What is the fundamental intention and question we are looking to answer?
In my experience, this has been singled down to the core question.
“WHO AM I?”
If we are to find an answer with 100% conviction, we shall rest in eternal peace. Needing nothing from this world, or anyone and anything in it.
This is self-realization in simple terms. What many would call the “Spiritual Journey of Enlightenment”
This speaking opportunity has come at ta time where the mirror of my personal journey coming into a new chapter.
This video depicts just a little taste of the journey that has unfolded, and my current space of existence which mirrors a deepened clarity and simplicity of this whole “spiritual thing” 😀
A big portion of my journey was fixated of the the “everything” part of “infinity”. A desire to accomplish, strive and DO .. SO many different things.
The “nothingness” space of the other side of that coin certainly was scary.
For most human beings, simplicity is scary, as the intellect loves to make things complex. Simplicity is complete faith, and in self-realization terms ─ knowing the ONE “SELF” (or what some may call “God”).
As I briefly describe in this video, about the collapse in my life, co-creation & business and community just this past year. It was merely a death and re-birth process that was inevitably going to occur if I was truly sincere in my surrender to this path of Self-Realization and fulfilling my purpose here in aiding in the expansion of consciousness.
Of course, how are we supposed to assist in any capacity, if we have not yet realized the true nature of ourselves and answered the question “Who Am I?” We would simply be perpetuating the same illusion over and over.
When we are willing to take complete responsibility for our experience, we are given ALL that we need to deepen into these profound lessons. Opening us up to a world of limitless possibility and potential.
Of course, many have asked, and wondered – “What happened to the Ottawa Lifestyle Center Project, Corey’s involvement, the shift in direction etc. etc.”
It was certainly a confusing time for the community, hearing only certain aspects of the story as I kept fairly quiet.
Put simply, from my perspective, it was a complete cleaning of all that was not pure.
At that point in my journey, a complete release from all attachments was needed. I can only speak for myself, but I had a deep attachment to the creation, my spiritual identity and many of the individuals involved.
Though on the deepest level, it was mostly a resistance to TRULY stepping up and accepting the role as a leader, spiritual teacher and what some call a “guru”.
Although I loved to pretend to play this role, it was not sincere. I was still scared of judgment inside. I was still doubting my teachings. Doubting the states of Samahdi (bliss states of enlightenment) I had attained…. all of this… rightfully so. I had not gone all the way. I had only tasted the fruit.
This was a very painful process for me. It asked of EVERYTHING. It all needed to be given up.
Writing this article at this point on my “journey” has given me a chance to clearly communicate my perspective to the community at large. Providing a clear connection to the universal stages of the awakening process ( which also will be communicated more deeply in further writings).
I hope you in-joy this 🙂
The Past five Years In a Nutshell.
Now before I touch on how this unfolded for me, where I am at currently, there needs to be some context within the entirety of this journey up until this point.
The PATHLESS Path.
Not only were the previous five years of my experience a whirlwind of complete transformation (or rather, perceived as such, One could say the journey had been unfolding for one could say my entire life.
Much of my experience, like many initially, is a tug of war between mind and heart. An intuitive knowing of something greater, and a pull in that direction.. while the mind pulls in the complete opposite.
Fitness started for me at age 13 where I was fed up with being small and being picked on. My younger years were filled with being misunderstood as a small, empathetic and creative boy. Fitness which eventually led to a severe back injury. Opened me up into the deeper worlds of the physical. This back injury altered the course of my life and has lasted up until recent years. Though even with the signs of needing to slow down in my experience, I continued to march forward. This led me to various other aspects of my journey, notably a promising competitive fighting and martial arts career. At one point in my life, this seemed to be it. I seemed to have found what I was here to do. A warrior in action. Of course, it has evolved, but maybe representing the same things…
This path of the warrior took flight from a deep longing to BATTLE. Battle against the part of me that I hated, the part of me I was scared to see. The part of me that was the feminine empath. Open hearted, vulnerable, authentic. This part of me was supressed through bullying and abuse from early years. Leading to extreme amounts of rage… like “I’ll rip your head off, rage”. This fueled the part of my journey where I was hungry for POWER. Power OVER others. Power that I felt I never had, due to my small size, flamboyant personality, and nervous/anxious nature.
During my years as a martial artists. I perfected the art in many ways. I was on my way to becoming one of the best fighters in the city of Ottawa. Talent wise it was there, though like anything, with the intention is coming from the wrong place, the kinks in the armor are always shown clear.
As I began to move further in this part of my life, the anxiety and self doubt increased. I began to lose, and from there hit a slipperly slope that I was not equipped to deal with.
It quickly led to me falling away from this journey and in a first step of needing to “re-invent” myself.
In my early twenties, the next personal development path that I was heavily involved in for 2-3 years was the realm of dating, seduction and “pick up”. Now it has become much more popular, an entire personal development niche focused on helping men learn how to date, seduce and love women. In a world where 90% of men are never properly taught this, thus leaving them filled with unfulfilled desire in a highly sexual world… there is bound to be a need.
This was ignited through the first 18 years of my life having little to no contact with the opposite sex in any sort of romantic way.
Reyna, my current fiancé, being the first women of the sort to be as such, leading me to have no idea what to do with such a beautiful and awestruck women. I had to learn, I had to understand.
And really… like all paths within the personal development fields, this has nothing to do with women, and everything to do with one-self.
One would be surprised as to how much approaching 30-40 women a night, 4-6 nights a week for 2.5 years can do for one’s confidence, social aptitude and ability to understand themselves more deeply.
On one end it certainly was providing me with growth. On another, I was still looking to hide under this new identity and guise. I was still deeply anxious, confused and unfulfilled. Numbing with alcohol, binge eating and sex. .. And in a more extreme level, continued to exert my power of over others in various violent street fight altercations. I was a maniac who believed I was invincible. Maybe on the outside it seemed this way… though surely on the inside it was a different story.
This was all leading somewhere, though I never REALLY knew where.
My next journey was led into Business. Starting a few smaller businesses before we had ignited the FIRST version of the Lifestyle Center in – Ulitmate Muay Thai BootCamp – Drawing on my past experience of Martial Arts, Fitness and Nutrition – We grew this business to the point in which we were ready to open a location.
During this time, the process of spiritual awakening had been igniting on various levels. My original business partner had been doing various seminars and workshops that had been changing him, while on my end I had just been experiencing an increasing degree of epiphanies within my life. Opening me up to new understandings of reality
It wasn’t long after when all of this hit the fan. The leaps in business, my leadership, and the knowledge we were coming into at the time was quite a lot to handle.
It resulted in my original partner leaving, while my fiancé as support and Mike (founder of lifestyle center) were those right there with me in the core phase of this awakening process we were all going through.
This journey of entrepreneurship, much of which I will depict in my upcoming book, I certainly believe is in a sense a “spiritual path” of the western world.
The obstacles and challenges it asks you to face within all aspects of your life I believe act as catalysts for one to come into a deeper sincerity into the important questions.
Most notably a deep dive into the question “WHO AM I?”
Entrepreneurship acts as he vehicle in which many can use to first – Actualize their potential, and then as this exhausts itself, they turn to the ultimate goal, and go straight for gold.
An intention of realization the nature of self and answering the question of Who Am I?
It is the same with any aspect of “personal development”. It acts as initial doorway into sincere spirtual seeking. Those who mistaken it for the end goal of absolute nature, are bound to fail and create a depth of suffering for themselves.
Many get caught up in making “wordly” changes in their life that they belief with bring them enlightenment. They certainly are stair step effects, though they are simply the changing scenery on top of a deep rooted foundation of eternal peace, and awareness.
We give way to the MIRROR of our actualized potential to manifest itself freely, on a foundation of pure self-realization. We put the HORSE before the CART, instead of the other way around.
In a future article, I go more deeply into all of this at length. Giving clear distinctions as to the differences between the path of self-realization and self-actualization.
There are so many aspects to this long but short life in this body. All of which played various roles in the depth of the evolution.
It is much why the core of my teachings are fixated on a shaman principle called the “Pathless Path”
The Psychedelic Plant Medicine Jungle
In the “new-age” and personal development culture. The use of psychedelic plant medicines surely has caught on as a key element to many people’s journeys.
Much of my journey involved deep shamanic work with psychedelic plant medicine. For thousands of years, shamans ( priests for native cultures) would use all types of psychedelic plants within their ceremonies with an intention of healing. This would include various plants like marijuana, ayahuasca brew, mushrooms etc.
In the beginning of my journey It simply acted as means to relieve stress from the worlds of business and entrepreneurship. Though it was quickly that it opened me up into a completely new world.
Not long after I had to move into the commercial space of what was known as the Ottawa Lifestyle Center, I was regularly using these plants to deal with this stress and confusion on my path.
As I described in my talk, one night in particular, I had an experience in which opened me up into a complete out of body experience. Kind of like a full body orgasm that lasted for over an hour. This was the beginning of a long journey with this tool. The use of this tool, opened up many new abilities that I did not previously know I had access to. With that, a profound process of “downloading” idea after idea, project after project and simply in a “dream” of this new world utopian vision that I knew I was here to assist in creating.
This involved many of the aspects which you saw being created within the Lifestyle Center and more recently the INFINITE vision.
The trap that many within the “psychedelic realm” get caught up into, is this “dream” or fantasy world of imagination that begins to paint the picture as if this reality is the one which exists NOW.
As a leader, this was my biggest lesson.
Although everything I would communicate or initiate would “make sense”, the ungrounded experience of not being rooted in the everyday practical reality, created deep resistance within our team and those involved at the core.
Likewise, the expression of my personal journey came forth as a “teacher teaching” . Though without it always being full embodied, it did not always have the potency in which was desirable
Many fall into this trap, and learn the lesson in the resistance that is mirrored back due to the lack of embodiment of the teachings itself. The information and knowledge was coming fourth so fast, I felt the need to constantly express, though the lesson was to remain silent and allow for the teachings to sink in more deeply before the “teaching” would occur.
It was too much for many to handle, including myself This was clearly evident in my own body, nervous system and energies which were in a constant state of fight or flight, adrenaline rush and intensity. It had been the theme for most of my previous life. A theme which had to come to an end if I was to truly step into what was being called of me as one here at this time to assist in the transformation of our old world to the new.
The theme of what I like to call “intellectual enlightenment” was simply an imbalanced energy and nervous system which had my intellect filled with mass amounts of “knowledge”, ideas, projects and “visions” though was not grounded, balanced and rooted in practicality.
Put simply, all of this was on a weak foundation or that of “lack” and fear. This manifested primarily in the nature of impatience, and the reflective anger that would come fourth as I was unable to sustain the workload required to manifest what I had desired to be a reality NOW.
All of the visions intertwined with the vision for the Lifestyle Center. A holistic center of wellness, education and co-creation. A hub for the new paradigm, centered in a space of awareness, love and abundance. One in which acts as a beacon of light for those going through this shift within cities.
My deep passion, care and extreme drive to manifest what was being seen SO clearly within my mind, manifested more so as control, over-achieving and lack of leadership ability to truly set the foundation needed for such a project.
Simply another identity that did not represent the truth which it was pointing to.
Now this phase of profound psychedelic use lasted on and off over a three to four year period, which included 300+ Deep experiences and journeys using these substances and shaman journeying experiences. This was in conjunction with thousands of hours of meditation, deep study and persistent introspection.
My perspective on these substances is simple. They are not required, though they can certainly expedite things. However, since time is relative, the pain they induce (in purging and healing more quickly) makes it seem like it’s longer ─ more drawn out.
In simplicity, they are gateways to the divine and sacred worlds of the infinite. Though they are not the path, nor the feet that walk.
I am writing about this in my upcoming book that goes deeply into the journey that I had.
Generally the use the of these substances came in various phases. Due to the intensity of their affect, I would go in 6 months on – 3 month off phases. The 3 month phases would generally come with a depressive phase that would bring to light my inability to stay consistent in these “higher” states without the substance. This would do a number to my psyche and inevitably my ability to produce results in my spiritual and entrepreneurial journey.
One of these experiences 1.5 years ago really brought an end and new beginning to this phase of my life.
This one experience, on a regular afternoon was at a point when after a few weeks of intense use, combining psychedelics (marijuana), tantra, breathing techniques and juice fasting, my energetic state was at an extreme high. After every use of even micro amounts of the substance, my entire being would transform. I would gain access to vast amounts of information that are un-imaginable to the normal mind. I could get done two weeks’ worth of work within an afternoon. I began initiating project after project and had others lined up for years. Not only this, but I would experience what some call “channelling” ─ what I now simply call “possession”. An outer energy or entity that would enter my body and control me in various ways.
This is a vast topic that needs much more discernment. Many people who “channel” within the new age culture are simply being possessed. This matter will be covered at a future date.
These experiences would unfold in a number of ways. Whether it would be guiding my words, movements, spontaneous yoga postures, sounds, or energetic techniques. Along with giving me wisdom and knowledge that I felt was not a normal way of accessing this information.
Now by reading this you may be intrigued (or scared) – this was not out of the norm for me. I experienced years’ worth of varying experiences of this sort.
What I am not denouncing in this space of “channeling” – is direct “data streaming” or what many call “downloading”. This , if done correctly is when one is tapped into their higher self, or higher density realms within the universe that allow for access to more advanced sets of knowledge in a more efficient means. ( I will cover this in future writings and video’s)
Now back to this particular day. One in which was a bit different than most experiences I have had.
I may have taken a bit too much (which was still very small in comparison to the norm) – but it was just too much. After just a few minutes, my crown chakra (at the top part of the head within the energy system) opened completely (in a forceful way) – my brain began to… we could say… fry… or burn up.
The best way I can describe this as an explosion within the brain, thunderbolts, or “missiles” shooting out in every direction.
It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life (and I have had many).
This was certainly the beginning of the end of this phase for me.
A Sacred Initiation
A week later I made the decision to get initiated in Babaji’s Kriya Yoga lineage through a Himalayan yogi by the name of Yogiraj Siddinath Gurunath.
He is a well known “Nath” Yogi,which is considered one of the highest paths of yoga initiation within the typical Guru-Disciple relationship.
This initiation was into his core energy field and the main kriya techiques – specifically the spinal breathing technique.
I was at the point where I needed something to replace my crutch which was the psychedelics.
I remember saying “If I find something as powerful as the plant medicines, I would give them up”
And so be it. It was delivered.
I dove right into this technique. The whole system of Babaji Spinal Breathing Kriya is known as the “lightning path” as one of the fastest ways to reach what we call the highest state of “enlightenment” in the yogic system – Nirvikalpa Samhadi. – Going straight for gold.
The system of Kriya spinal breathing is very simple.
1 Breath (up and down the spine) is equal to 1 year of spiritual evolution. 1,000,000 years of spiritual evolution is required to reach Nivikalpa Samahdi.
(This is all based on yogic belief – it does not reflect my own).
This seemingly logically sound system was perfect for my personality. I was all in.
I began quickly, and after a few months I was up to the maximum level I could go without getting “permission” from the guru to go further.
This initiated my trip to India.
This decision came at a time where my fiancé Reyna was exiting our company. Tensions were rising due to my need to step up as a leader, and also be open to release from my attachment to her as a vital person in the business.
She was there since the beginning, supporting all of us in so many ways. So many more ways than many people even saw. It became a deep attachment for me, and like all attachments, this incomplete belief needed to be resolved.
As I will cover this much more in my upcoming book, my Relationship with Reyna has been the most profound experience with another human being in my life.
She has been my direct mirror, and along with Mike was a prominent teacher for me. Without any interest in having any “intellectual” knowledge on many of this subjects, she had always “KNOWN” the depth of the truth underlying any of the decisions that were being made.
As many “twin flame” or “soul mate” relationships manifest, they manifest in a way of presenting you with your direct subconscious representation. They mirror back to you that in which you are not desiring to see about yourself. In first attempt, nicely, in subsequent attempts, more abrutpy :D.
She had been there through every deep process of healing that I had gone through, right there by my side, deepening with me. She is a profound reflector who acts as a sponge of healing. She absorbs all that is given and simply transmutes it to love. She has been my most profound teacher, one of pure simplicity, one who has reflected what I had always needed to know.
Because of the nature of this experience, with both Mike and Reyna, along with my attachment to them as key individuals in this mission, it certainly created resistance along this path.
Many times in this journey, we are faced with needing to not necessarily let go of a person physically, but the way in which we have viewed them, treated them, and related to them. All with the purpose of becoming whole within yourself and realizing the privilege in which relationship is, along with our requirement to release completely from control of all others, surrendering to the journey of focusing completely and solely on ourselves.
It is here in which we taste the fruit of being “alone” for the first time, and sink into the freedom in which this brings.
In many ways, India was an escape route from the obvious issues that had been arising within the community and this project, most prominently this core trio relationship of Reyna, Mike and I.
I had been coming to a clear awareness of the attachment I had to both of them and how this came off of manipulative or controlling as the a friend but also the CEO of the company. This required my diligent and sincere attention.
Nonetheless – I went.
Many within the community had a problem with this, as I used a crowdfunding platform to fund the trip. Which I could certainly understand. Though at the time I was set in my vision and ways.
One thing many individuals within the community never knew, was that although revenues were quite high for what we had, at our age, our experience and basically every other factor. profits within the business were just not there.
Mike, Reyna and I would only pay ourselves enough to get by.
I remember calculating at one point. I was making around $6,000 per year… for three and a half years.
A natural reflection as to the value which I perceived I was bringing, while justifying it as the “typical business story” – but that is just a story… it never HAS to be anything. Many like to perpetuate “struggle” for no real reason other than that is what they “hear” others have done.
India was simply a reflection of what was already occurring within. A clear recognition that I needed nothing from “outside”. A simple example of the theme of India, was me back in my 1 star hotel doing spinal breathing, while I had access to OSHO’s 5 Star Meditation resort.
I knew what I needed to do, and I was all in.
By the end of the India trip – I was up doing anywhere from 5-8 hours of Kriya and Meditation per day.
Some of the disciples noticed and warned me;
“If you go this fast, your life is going to fall apart”.
I accepted this fate, I desired nothing else other than realization. Complete realization.
Surely enough, my return to Canada ignited this.
I had a very difficult time re-integrating into “business – life”.
I continued my practice as I returned, and the deep bliss states continued to expand.
I got to a point where I was on the opposite extreme of what I had known before.
From the 70-80 hour work weeks, I was now doing basically the same in Kriya and study.
I was in complete bliss. I could sit on the couch all day, needing nothing.
For the first time in a long while, I was comfortable, I was “ok” with just sitting with Reyna on the couch and watching television – instead of doing business work.
It was a liberating experience. One which I had never experience to that degree before… let alone naturally.
Of course.. as the “CEO” of the company we were running. naturally this had some consequences.
I simply wasn’t in a place any longer to “run” a company.
Intuitively, it was always in the cards.
Mike was to take the business to the level it needed to go. His strength is in this exact thing, it always had been.
Though, at the level of attachment I had to my identity which revolved around this creation, I resisted this deeply. With this resistance bread guilt, guilt that certainly did not need to be there, as just like anyone, I am human.
It wasn’t too long after India when Mike wanted to move forward in a different way. A way that naturally would bring fourth abundance to this creation we had built. While I had the time I needed to deepen into what was occurring for me.
It was here where I had signed over everything to him and the new company. All of the work I and others had done. It was my act of trust, faith in him and this mission at large.
Business wise, signing over assets, taking liabilities only came from a place of deep trust that I would be taken care of, as regardless of anyone’s “opinion” the depth of my investment on all levels of this vision were vast.
If this was meant to be, it was meant to be.
This is where I was presented with the opportunity to walk the talk. Really.. all of us.
To no longer “wait” or be fearful of recognizing the “master within”. Embracing the ancient teaching lineage that flowed through me, and teach from a place of humble nature.
This turning point in the summer marked the beginning of the death and rebirth of this old company, community and myself.
Walking Into a Black Hole And Coming Out The Otherside
Initially, I was able to stay consistent in my practice, and in my confidence, that my trust in Mike and the rest of the community to create the vision that had been set fourth would of course happen.
With that, I would be taken care of.
Everything else in my experience was transforming into magic I could have never conceived from a transition that was seemingly destroying me.
• A relationship like never before with Reyna.
• Much deeper and profound service within the community through my healing, teaching and guiding work.
• A completely NEW community being developed centered around the value I was stepping forward with, and the intention that was set.
• And for the first time in my life, financial abundance like I had never experienced before.
This phase surely ignited an opportunity for deep healing in us all.
As a community we spontaneously begun a lot of “circling” as a community and leadership group. An effort to get to the botton of some of the deeper rooted issues that many communities of this nature face.
In my view, we all needed to be more willing to dive in. There needed to be an open hearted vulnerability on all sides to uncover these roots, and move forward, together, as a unit.
It wasn’t completely done. We did not complete what was necessary. We were running from the core issues that stemmed from our own inner being that needed to be brought to the surface.
Of course, if I could perceive this, where could one trace this back to its origin?
On my end personally, as this evolved., as it continued to sink in that I was losing all of what I thought was “me”, it brought me to the deepest darkness of my experience.
When I fell into these darker sides of me that was still attached to the “creation” and how it was all to play out. This part of me regretted signing the papers. It regretted many things.
An old self of “Corey” – that was fighting and resisting with all its might… its own death.
The guilt I had for holding not only the business and those in it back in many ways, it was of course simply a reflection of myself.
What came from this time was naturally a cleaning of all that was not pure.
I went through a deep phase of regret, guilt and shame. Leading to a depth of depression.
I felt I had failed. Failed those closest to me. Failed my teachers / mentors/ investors/ community.
All of it.
It felt as if I had fallen off a 10 story building.
I was constantly given signs, and “ways out” to bring all back into balance. Though the only way was through, and I was resisting every moment, while inevitably feeling the pain anyways. I was scared of stepping up into the full embodiment of who I am. Though, the inevitability was I would have to either way..
This reflected within the community. A “splitting” of sorts that was leaving the old behind, and birthing a new. All felt it collectively.
Time apart was surely needed. A time for me to release from this illusion of guilt and simply come into the acceptance of myself as a HUMAN being. A human that is not “superman” nor do I need to be. One in which is ok to come into a deep sense of vulnerability and accept this fact.
The journey deepened.
All of which I cover in Parts 2 and 3….